Trying to revamp all areas of one's life can be a daunting task. When I sit and think about everything I want to accomplish,it can make my head spin. One thing is tied in with the other. To create the home I truly want,I have to dig into myself and be the person I really want to be.That means,I have to clear up mental clutter and body clutter. I could organize my home and it could look perfect,but if I am swimming in a sea of mental and physical discontent,how I can truly enjoy it? It's a fake front. A person's home is an extension of themselves. Clutter in the home means clutter in the person's mind,body,and spirit.I am working at the home,mind,and spirit clutter,but my greatest challenge is the body clutter (AKA-FAT). I am wonderful at delaying the body part. Why? Probably because every time I start exercising and dieting,I sabotage myself. "Hey,"I say to myself," I lost 15 lbs. I can control it now."
Yeah,right. I gain it back plus another 15 lbs.
I hate clothes shopping,because nothing looks good on me. I have literally cried in the changing room. "Remember when you could wear whatever you wanted? Remember when you had a waist? Now look at you. You are disgusting," I hear my inner self say. Fat clothes tend to be really ugly,and because I am only 5'2",most clothing for "heavier" gals tend to be average sized,not petite,which doesn't help matters.
How can I move forward on this front? I ponder it on a daily basis. I can't do the "I-am-going-to-diet-and-exercise-from-now-on" thing. It doesn't work. I lose my incentive. Not my gig. " Just do it already" does not work. People bugging me about it makes me want to eat more peanut butter cups (oh,how I love the sweet and salty goodness....it makes me feel great until after they are gone and then I loathe myself). No,I cannot rely on others to motivate me. It has to come from within.Rick,bless his heart,loves me and thinks I am sexy no matter what.
The only thing I can do is start small. I can't look at it as trying to lose weight,because if it doesn't happen fast enough,I will feel defeated.If I have a bad day and eat something I shouldn't,I will feel like a failure and say,"Screw it. Give me that plate of fattening carb goodness."(whatever that fattening carb goodness might be)
So...how do I start slow? How do I gradually work being more active and watching my calorie intake into my life?
1) No more snacking after 7:30. This is a very bad habit of mine...especially peanut butter cups.
2) Work exercise gradually into my life. I walked once last week. This week I am going to walk twice. I walk about a mile or so. It may not seem much to you,but for me,it's a big accomplishment. I will keep adding walks until the weather proves too nasty,then I will hit the elliptical instead and begin to include toning with weights.Even if I don't lose weight from these walks,I am training myself mentally and physically to get used to physical exercise and hopefully will be more apt to continue and build on it.
3) Don't be on a time frame .I've tried that. I've failed at it. I'm going to keep going at slow but steady pace.
4) Healthy for me means when I like how I feel and look. It has nothing to do with how many pounds I am.
That's where I'm starting.
As far as home decluttering goes,I tidied up our bookcase this morning. It seems to be a catch-all for paperwork for Rick,as well as other items:
It's much better now!
I thought I would leave you on a cute note. I was looking for M&M ( Mini Moxie) a while ago. I looked in all the little hiding places that we have found him in,and when I went into our bedroom,I happened to see him curled up on my big teddy bear:
Is that just too cute or what?
Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!