How My Veteran Is Doing And New VA Programs For Family Members

Some of you who have been following this blog since it's inception may be wondering how Rick is doing.

He,as he always will,has good days and bad days. A good day is when he doesn't let his limitations frustrate him too much. A bad is when he lets his speech,reading,or thought patterns get to him and he gets overwhelmed and angry.

For those who are new to this blog,my husband was wounded in  an RPG attack in  Ramadi,Iraq on July 28, 2005. He suffers from chronic PTSD, and moderate TBI which has spawned all kinds of issues with reading comprehension,speech,thought process, writing,math,taste,smell,and memory. It has also caused issues with his pituitary gland,so he has to take testosterone shots,and he has hypothyroidism.The trauma also triggered Celiac's Disease. Our journey with the military and the VA,as well as our daily experiences dealing with all this led me to write this blog. It was a great outlet for me,and I was hopeful that perhaps someone who had been going through our experience could find solace in the fact that they are not the only ones who are dealing with these things.

Rick had begun a 12 week program through the VA called Cognitive Therapy. Unfortunately,as soon as he began remembering things that happened in Iraq ( causing him to have a bad flashback which led him to cry for almost an hour) his counselor wound up having to take a medical leave of absence. We are still waiting to  hear when a new counselor will be assigned. There are so many soldiers coming back with PTSD and TBI that the VA is having a heck of a time keeping up,and I am heartened that the President has called on the VA to hire 800 more new counselors and for more money to be spent for mental issues.While it seems frustrating  (and it can be!) the VA is actually in much better shape than in 2006 when Rick started going. The government was just not ready to deal with all the mental challenges that our service men and women were coming home with,and we actually had no TBI diagnosis until 2007. Now testing is mandatory when soldiers enter the VA system. 

At any rate,we are waiting for a new PTSD counselor,although to be honest,Ken (our old one) felt Rick was about ready to  start coming only every few months once the 12 week program was over,instead of every month like he had been doing before he began the program. He has been seeing PTSD counselors since 2006. 

Rick is on what is called in military speak,TDRL ( Temporary Disabled Retirement Program). He can be kept on this for up to 5 years. He has to submit to testing whenever the military wants. This is a mandatory program for all vets who come back with PTSD. The hope is that with counseling,the vet will get better and be able to function in society,work,etc. That is all well and good for a soldier that gets help once they leave theater,but Rick received very little help once he was sent stateside after he was wounded. (He was sent to Fort Gordon,GA med hold) They basically gave him Valium and maybe once a month therapy for an hour,if it wasn't cancelled. Again, the government was not prepared for the influx of soldiers with mental issues. He dealt with this for 9 months  and didn't start getting real help until the middle of 2006 when he started going to the VA,almost a year after his injury.The PTSD combined with his TBI makes me shake my head that the military is bothering to put him in this program,but I suppose rules are rules (even if they don't make sense-and the military rarely makes sense).

This past Spring,we went to Gilford for a physical and Boston for mental evaluations for the military.This was an update from when he went to the med board at Fort Drum three years ago to see if there was any improvement ,regression,or if things remained the same. We just heard back from them,and they want Rick to go through another physical evaluation-for his back (which has some problems with from back surgery long ago),his knees ( which are now fixed) and for his hearing (which,it was noted,has gotten worse). Why they are concentrating on these three issues is beyond me. The main issues are the mental problems,not the physical ones,at least,now since he has had both his knees replaced.The psychiatric Dr in Boston reaffirmed what others had told us-he can never work in the public realm again. Again, I don't understand the military's reasoning,but considering everything else they put us through (three med boards) we are just dealing with it.

Today he began filling out a form for a service dog so he can be more independent and go to stores,etc.They have great programs for vets that have PTSD/TBI. Right now it's too much for him to go to,say Walmart,by himself. We got as far as the second page and he had to stop. His poor brain was on overload.

I am in two new programs in the VA. The first one is the VA Caregiver Support program for spouses who are caregivers for their veterans. We have a phone group that touches base twice a month,and we have a workbook with a different subject for each phone session. I was asked specifically to join this group from the head of the Poly trauma  (PTSD/TBI)  Unit at the Manchester VA (she used to be Rick's PTSD counselor before Ken).She felt that since I had been going through this for so long,I might be able to offer some insight to newer wives. Though it's a good program,I wish it had been available when I really needed it 6 years ago.Most of it is what I have already dealt with,although there are still ongoing subjects that we continue to  struggle with. This program allows us to  have a counselor come to the house every three months to check in on us to see if there is anything she  can help with,any questions she can answer,etc. Her name is Donna ( easy to remember!) and she is nice. She also brings a PTSD counselor that sits down with Brother B and I to discuss whatever issues may have come up. (Brother B is Rick's secondary caregiver).

The second program is called the SAFE Program-Support and Family Education. This is for members of the Caregiver Support Program. We meet once a month in Manchester,and like the previous program,it has a topic for each meeting.This is a more informative program rather  than a counseling type of meeting. Our first meeting is What Causes Mental Illness. Some other topics include Depression,PTSD and it's impact on the family,Setting Boundaries,Problem solving,Creating a Low Stress Environment,Taking Care of Yourself,Managing Stress,TBI, etc. I can go to whatever topic applies,so I don't have to go every month,though I will probably go to most of them. I am very happy that the VA is now not only looking out for the Vets,but their families as well. PTSD and TBI is not just the soldiers problem,as it affects all members and dynamics of the family.No one should be ashamed to ask for help. Too many veterans are committing suicide. It's so sad and horrible.

If you are a vet,or a family member of vet who needs help,please do not wait !!! Go to your local VA. There is no shame in admitting you need help. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!

Is That BBQ'd Squirrel?

Friday night, Rick,Zach,and I went down to my sister Linda's for dinner.My brother Valmore,his girlfriend Robin,and my other brother Dennis and his wife Lynette had arrived from WI, America's Dairy Land. They had an uneventful flight,thankfully,and we all enjoyed playing some catchup.

Saturday, we all went down to Portsmouth for some Seafood Chowder at the River House  (BEST seafood chowder any of us had ever had!) and while Mom,Linda,Lynette and I popped around some stores,Val,Dennis,and Robin went to the Portsmouth Gaslight Company (restaurant/bar) to have  drinks and watch some football games. All the girls had gone out earlier to downtown Somersworth (our hometown,where Mom and Linda live) to some of the cute shops and Lynette picked up gorgeous pair of red cowboy-ish boots at a consignment shop. I wish I had taken a photo of them,because they had a great pattern on them and were gorgeous! After we got back from Portsmouth,we went to Linda's yet again for dinner.

Yesterday it was my turn to host my siblings,and I admit I was nervous. Val had never been to my house,and of course, I wanted everyone to have a good time....as well as approval. I think it's a "baby of the family" thing. Also,to me,my surroundings is a reflection of who I am (more about that later.We gave them a tour of the garden (such is it is this year),The Girls,and the house.I explained what we are doing with the renovations. One thing that was a bummer at first was that it RAINED in the AM....and here we were hoping to enjoy our new deck with everyone!! Thankfully,everything cleared up by the time they arrived and we were able to sit outside,eat,drink,and be merry!

We had an eclectic menu-appetizers were salsa,gluten free tortilla chips,cheese curds ( Lynette and Dennis brought us the curds,and three blocks of Swiss,yellow chedder and pepper jack cheese!),and then we had samplings of grilled bear,venison,and BBQ'd squirrel. Yes, I said BBQ'd squirrel. Squirrel season opened up on Saturday and Brother B and our neighbor Kelly went out hunting. Brother B got a couple squirrels on both Saturday and Sunday morning.He par boiled them before grilling and put some Sweet Baby Ray's on them. Now, since I don't care for dark meat,I didn't eat any-plus,I wanted our guests to enjoy everything. Everyone tried the squirrel,and My Brothers really enjoyed it. The ladies (even my Mom!) tried it and they said it was good. The big hit was the bear. Everyone said it was the best bear they had ever had,and of course, the venison was also considered a success. The main meal was the more simple hot dogs,hamburgers,potato salad,and chips.Mom brought up her bean salad. For dessert I made gluten free double cherry crumble. We all laughed and had a great time. The beer,wine,and Captain and Coke flowed!!!  :)

Here is a photo of the Lessard clan: clockwise starting from front is Mom,me,Dennis,Val,and Linda

I love Val's shirt-it says 'Agriculture-Because starvation SUCKS!'

The person that is always sorely missed is our Dad. He passed away on Sept 4,1990. We talked about him with great love and fondness. He is always with us in our hearts.Val looks a lot like my Dad and has his sense of humor and mannerisms,so it's always fun to when Val gets going with his stories and jokes. It's like having Dad here.

I won't be seeing them before they leave on Tuesday,so we had big hugs when they left. Val promised to be back when Zach gets his Eagle Scout rank. He himself is an Eagle and always loved Scouting/Explorers.

Today here in the US it's Labor Day,a day when workers get the day off. ( Unless of course,you work retail in which case you work-been there,did that!)

I would be remiss if I did not mention that our thoughts are going out to those in the south east who have been effected by the hurricane. I hope that they can get back to their homes and lives as soon as possible.

I hope you have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!!

Sibling Reunion

I may be MIA for a few days. My brothers are coming back to NH with their women for a visit.

I don't get to see my brothers that often. They both live in Wisconsin,so they only get back here maybe every other year or so,if that. They have made more of an attempt since my Mom is getting up there in age. Sometimes it would be 5 years or more before I would see them. All my siblings were out of the house by the time I was in 7th grade,so I am used to not seeing them much.

I have the honor of being the baby of the family. We are rather spread out in age. My oldest brother, Valmore (a good, French name..he's named after my Dad's brother) was born in 1948,a year after my parents got married. My sister Linda was born in 1951. Dennis was born in 1960. I then came along,in 1967. I have heard two stories about how I came to be 1) my parents tried for another child after Dennis was born and had no luck,therefore they thought that my mother couldn't have anymore children and 2) the birth control they used failed .The latter  was revealed when I was older,and that is the one is that probably true. My mother's Mom (my Memere) was not happy about my impending birth. In fact, she made no bones about her anger to  my Dad- "Can't you leave her alone?" ( meaning my Mom,of course!) Remember,back then,a woman giving birth in her early 40's was considered highly dangerous. When I was born,my Mom was a couple weeks shy of her 42 birthday. My Dad was 53. ( Mom was born in 1925,Dad in 1914!)

At any rate,since Val and Linda are much older,they were out of the house by the time I was 5,so I had very little memories of them. Val rarely ever came home to visit ( he lived in PA,then WI) and Linda,being married to an Air Force man,moved around a lot. She did come home every year for a week or two,though. However,when there is such an age gap,you don' t have much in common. Now, of course,she lives only 30 minutes away,and the 16 year age gap isn't as great as it was when,say, she was 30 and I was 14. Dennis went into the Navy ( Sea Bees) after high school graduation in 1979. 

I have always been a bit envious of Rick and his relationship with his three brothers. When you have been separated most of your life,you don't really know your siblings very well. Rick and his brothers are pretty close knit. ( Hell, one of them lives with us!)  To be honest, I am closer to his brothers than I am to mine. I am not saying that to be mean, or disrespectful to my own blood,it's just the way it is. Once,when we went to WI for Dennis' wedding,we stayed at Val's house and talked about how little we saw each other. Val commented to Linda," Look at Donna. I don't even know her."

Sad,but true.

Which brings us to the reunion today. I am very anxious to see my brothers.Dennis is bringing his wife Lynette,and Val is bringing his girlfriend,Robin.( Do folks in their 60's refer to their unmarried partner as a girlfriend or boyfriend? It seems kind of high schoolish,doesn't it? Is it partner? Live in? Significant other? His woman?)

Rick,Zach and I are going down to Linda's tonight for a BBQ,then all the girls are going down to Portsmouth tomorrow for some window shopping and lunch. Sunday, everyone is coming up here for BBQ-hot dogs, hamburgers,venison,moose,or bear (depending on what exactly is in the freezer). They will be heading back to WI on Tuesday.

It's going to be a great time!

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!