Inner and Outer Peace

Many things have been going on lately...here at home,and in my head.

I have begun yoga. My Dear Friend Michelle told me that she is enjoying her class,and I should give it a try. I love it. I told our instructor,Laurie on Monday that it has helped me tremendously in finding inner peace and relaxation. I practice lyengar yoga,which focuses on posture and breath control. I can get very sore after our classes,but I love it.I look forward to our twice a week class. Granted, I can find relaxation going outside and listening to the birds singing,seeing the blue of the sky and the white of clouds,and watching the green leaves moving in the breeze,but this gives me a bit more of a foundation,as it were. I seem to be more relaxed,and I use breathing techniques that I have learned when things start getting stressful for me. I send my breath to the parts of my  body that need it,I get rid of the negative thoughts,and I feel so happy and one with all that is around me. This has been a big help in my quest to be a better,more positive person. I catch negative thoughts or bad feelings and turn them around.Such a wonder!

Rick has been working on the yard,grading,etc,and we are planning how to set up new walkways. We have areas that just don't seem to like to grow grass,no matter who much seed we  have put down in the past,so,instead of fighting against the nature of our land,we have decided to embrace it and work with it.Plans are underway for our next project,the mud room. The windows are all screened-they are more or less screens with wood framed around them-and we have to cover them with plastic each winter. We are going to put in real windows,a real door,dry wall,and flooring,as well as electrical outlets and make it a year round mud room. We are going to put new porch steps as well. After that is done,our next big project is painting the house. Then it's getting the basics of the goat/sheep barn set up before the snow flies.

Yesterday we went down to my Mom's a picked up dresser that she is getting rid of to use in our bedroom.Her house is sold,as long as the loan goes through.It only took a week and half on the market to find not one,but two buyers.She is going to move in with my sister and brother in law until they all move to TN in the fall of 2014,so she is getting rid of everything that she can. We are redoing the bedroom,so the dresser comes in handy. We had a dresser,once,but it was a big old dress that took up too much space,so we got rid of it and we used the two closets for all our clothes,putting the clothing that we would normally put in the dresser on the shelves in our respective closets.Then we wanted to switch things up again ,downsize and use one closet for our clothes,and one closet for storage (blankets,etc).

I have mentioned before that our bedroom is one of,if not the,most neglected room(s) in the house. It hasn't been painted 2006.Things get thrown in there. The elliptical machine,which took up a lot of space in front of Rick's closet (which is another reason we wanted to combine into my closet)was nothing more than a place to hang clothes. I always had the best of intentions to use it,but Rick finally put his size 12 foot down-we either use it,or we sell it. I had to decide. After much hemming and hawing I finally came to the reality that if I have only used it perhaps a grand total of 20 times in over four years,then we should probably get rid of it. Out came the elliptical. We packed away any winter clothes we wanted to keep and donated the rest.( Remember, we only have two closets right now. When the mud room is finished and a closet is put out there,then that can serve as our winter coat storage).The winter clothes are going up in the attic today. The big old gun safe,which is also in our room because we have no other place for it,is going to go into Rick's old closet. The shelves,etc are going to get ripped out and revamped. The room is going to be a haven,not a  confused mess. It's been an embarrassment for years,which is why I always keep the door closed!

Here's a sample of the hideousness of it....
I needed a table for the DVD player and the cable box after we took the bureau out. (Yes, I know it is not considered a good thing to have a TV in the bedroom,but I enjoy watching it in bed at night. Plus,when the Menfolk have their hunting/fishing shows going in the living room and I want to watch a home improvement show,I can go into this room for refuge!) I had this little table so I used that. Note the lamp on the floor that I still haven't rewired after three years. So lovely...NOT!!!!

Here is the area now.The walls are going to be repainted. The color is going to be very similar to the jewelry box on the bureau,and the bureau it's self is going to to painted and I am going to put new knobs on it. I am still mulling what kind to get. The floor lamp that is next to it will probably go into the mud room when it's finished. The teddy bear was a gift from Zach a few years ago.You can see just a bit of the old table to the left. That is going into the garage.If I use it in the house I will put a nice cloth over it so it will look pretty.

So,as you can see,I have been working on inner and outer peace. What are you working on?

Have a Fabulous Day on this Fabulous Planet!

Paper Can Weigh You Down

Our file cabinet was at the point where if I opened the top drawer to access some of Rick's paperwork,the cabinet would pitch forward. Guess that means it's time weed out some documents!

A good portion of what I pulled out were duplicates of Rick's TDRL ( Temporary Disability Retirement List) appointment reports.Anyone in the military who has been diagnosed with PTSD is automatically put on this list for up to 5 years.They have to see a Dr when the military asks to see if the PTSD is better or not. Well,at this point,going on 8 years of being wounded and things staying the same,I would hope that the military would see that Rick should be fully retired.He has had three appts over the last two years,which my regular readers probably remember. Each time he has an appt,we have to wait for the Dr's report to be sent to a specific company who is handling the TDRL,and they send the hard copy to us.Rick has to sign a paper saying he agrees with the findings,a release of info form,and send a copy of what medications he's taking from the VA. Each time they send a new report,they also send copies of the old ones. We had over 240 pages of reports total,including the duplicates. Today I went through those reports and threw out the extras,so we only have one copy of each. I also went through some other old paperwork that we no longer need. I think the pile of paper weighed at least 5 lbs. It certainly freed up some space! At least the file cabinet no longer wants fall on top me when I open the top drawer.

Rick had been having a hard time lately. He has kept busy,to a point,but his confusion keeps him frustrated and his speech has been dragging,which adds to his frustration.A couple of times he broke down and cried. I don't blame him. No one can hold all that in indefinitely. You have to release it. I myself had a bad day yesterday.

 We did begin making a pot rack out of an old ladder that My Dear Friend Michelle found for me ( Do I still owe you for that ladder,Michelle?). It only took two years,but hey, it's getting done. We do have to move it over slightly to the right,and we have to see if Rick can make the opening on one end of the "S" hooks we bought a bit bigger. I don't want to post a photo of it until it's completed,though.

 Zach just celebrated his 15th birthday on March 3. We are so very proud of him. Zach and I went down to Somersworth to visit my Mom on his birthday and it was nice. We finally ( I say finally because Zach has been asking since 4th grade) bought him a phone. He is involved in different activities,so it's good to have his own line of communication. It's a very basic pay as you go phone,and we told him that he will have to pay for the minutes. We did buy him a new IPOD as well. 

I went through my seeds and discovered that I have to get more corn seed. It's almost time to start some of my seedlings!

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!

My How Time Flies

Holy Smokes,I just realized how long it's been since I posted last. Sorry about that!

We have received the check from Progressive Insurance and Rick has already gone out and found himself a truck-he's getting a 2003 Dodge Ram. He is suppose to pick it up today. He is doing well,his shoulder is still a tad stiff,but fine.

The Plague seems to have abated and everyone seems to be healthy. We had quite the Arctic blast here for a few days. Temps with the wind chill went below zero for a couple of days,and in the teens a for a couple more.I am thankful for the wood stove,because we ran out of fuel (our oil tank's gauge is broken).Our tank is outside,so we have to use the mix,which is a bit more expensive. We had the tank filled yesterday,and the driver told us the last time we had it filled was in Sept.Four months is pretty good,considering I have heard of folks who have gone through a tank in a month's time.

The other night was gorgeous-at least,looking through a window in a warm house! It was bitter cold,but the moon was as bright as day.It reminded me of the section in "By The Shores Of Silver Lake" when Laura and Carrie go outside to follow the moon path and wind up going all the way to a wolves den...and seeing a big old wolf. I could see wanting to be outside in the bright moonlight. Of course,it was -12F at our house,and no amount of brilliant moonlight could persuade me to go for a stroll outside!

Zach has a two hour delay from school this AM. Last night we got some snow and freezing rain,so the school district showed some good judgement and delayed opening.

Yesterday I picked up a couple of cross stitch embroidery projects. I was hoping to find a book for beginners for reference,but Ben Franklin's didn't have what I was looking for.I picked a couple of patterns that came with thread,needle,and instructions. I bought an embroidery hoop. It should be interesting. I would love to design my own sheets and pillowcases with embroidery and lace/edging.

I have made a master list of things that need to get done around the house,and have posted only two things:

1) Move all the stuff from the bedroom into the garage that is in the garage pile

2)Measure old ladder and space in front of the kitchen window to see if a pot rank is feasible.

I have been thinking about how I want the bedroom,and I keep coming back to the colors white,turquoise,and green.

The other day we went out to gather eggs,and found these two specimens:

Monster egg and baby egg!!! The baby egg was the size of a robin's egg. We don't know why,but we did lose one of our Girls. Rick went into the coop and found her dead. There was no blood or anything like that,so the other chickens didn't gang up her or anything like that. It looks like she just died. Poor Girl.

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!

Totaled

The truck has been officially totaled by our insurance company,Progressive. If anyone out there is looking for an insurance company,we are very pleased and impressed with Progressive,even if we haven't spoken directly to Flo ;)

We should be receiving a check for the truck either today or tomorrow,and we were quite happy to learn that,with the exception of five hundred dollars to cover the deductible,we will be getting back  what we paid for it. Rick has been online checking out trucks to replace it with. He is doing much better. His left shoulder is still stiff,but overall he is much much better. Thankfully he had his seat belt on!!!

I am feeling better,still have a bit of a cough and tiredness,but I am feeling more like my old self. I even drove for the first time in almost two weeks on Sunday morning to grab a few items at the supermarket. It's amazing how things fall apart when the woman of the house is down and out. Apparently,I am the only human in the house who knows how to clean a toilet,though I am not the only one who uses one. ( Can you hear the sarcasm in my type?) Seriously though,it takes me to be sick for an extended period of time to realize how much I do and how,in all honesty,I am the glue that holds the household together. I am not saying that dishes,sweeping,or laundry didn't get done. Certainly the Menfolk did care of the basics,of course,but it was just the basics (well,most of them,anyway).

I look around and I can see that things just aren't homey when I am not on task. Stuff doesn't get put away. Things don't get wiped. Dust accumulates. Bear in mind,I am not the perfect homemaker by any stretch,but at least I dust! :)

Right now,our bedroom is in a state of flux. We began cleaning out our closets. Rick did a great job,winding up with three bags of trash and three bags of clothes to donate. He was also able to put some things that he wanted to keep up in the attic. However,I fell ill before he could get the pile that needs to go into the garage actually into the garage,and he didn't want to disturb me by going in and out lugging stuff,which I appreciate. Then of course,he fell ill for a couple of days,then he he was in the accident,and too stiff to move the stuff out.Now,however,he is feeling better as well as I,so we will be able to get back on track very soon.

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!!

Delays Are OK

Yesterday we had planned to begin the reorganization of our closets/decluttering of our bedroom. Rick wanted to go out hunting in the morning (coyote) first,which was fine. He told me Saturday night that he was going to go out early and we would get started on the bedroom when he came back. I said that was fine,but I did want to start by late morning at the very latest. I am one of those people who cannot begin a project in the middle of the afternoon. I feel the day has already gone by. He replied that he would be back by then. No problem.

Sunday morning,when I woke up,he was laying in his recliner still in his PJ's at 7:30 AM. I asked him if he was going to go hunting,and he said no,he changed his mind. Around 9:00 AM,he changed it again and said that he wanted to go,just for a little while,and we would start when he got back. OK,no problem again. By 10:00,he was gone with Brother B.

They came back around 12:00. Apparently,Rick had slipped on some ice on a dirt road,wrenched his shoulder,hurt his back, and dislocated his right thumb. He said he had to lay down for a while. He usually does take a nap after going hunting or working outside. He said he would be up by 2:30. I knew,of course,that he was not going to feel like doing anything afterwards,because he would be mighty sore from the fall,and I would not want to start a project of that size at that time of day.When he woke up,I was learning how to crochet a snowflake. No organizing for us.

Much of what goes on ( or doesn't go on) around here centers around how Rick is feeling,like I mentioned in my previous post. Of course,he took a nasty fall and hurt himself,which is out of the ordinary.I don't blame him for wanting to lay down-I would've done the same. 

When we plan things,I have to be flexible. I never know what kind of day Rick will have. He could have a great motivated day, a real up and at 'em-or it could be a day where he takes a long time to get going. In this case,it was a bit of lack of motivation, a touch of taking a long time to get out into the woods,and the rarity of getting hurt.

I have learned over time that I have to roll with each day. Things will get done,I just cannot keep beating over the head with it. I can certainly encourage and remind him of things,but I cannot push him. 

Today he is all fired up and ready to go. He has run to the store with Brother B  to get some storage bins so we can begin. I better get myself going as well!

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!!

I 

Welcome To The New Year!

I hope everyone had fabulous holidays,whatever you celebrated!

We had a very nice Christmas. We got Zach a Kindle Fire so he could get all the books he wants.His room is small,so it saves room. He has been reading and watching "The Walking Dead" on it. That was his big gift of the year.He also got a few video games,a movies,some clothes,and some flavored hot chocolate.

I was down and out for a few days during Christmas break,thankfully after Christmas. Mother Nature decided to visit,and it was horrible. I lived on extra strength Midol and Advil Migraine for two days. It's been years,if ever,since I had such a bad time. Terrible cramps,migraine headaches,and feeling exhausted. I was in bed for two days. I finally got better just in time for New Years,thankfully!

I made no resolutions this year,as I never keep them. I am just going to keep on working on everything I am already working on. I know I will face set backs,but I am human and I will not let it get me down. It's easy when you see a brand new year stretched out in front of you to make all kinds of promises to yourself,but I know my track record.I throw myself all in, am diligent for a couple of months,then it all falls to pieces. Since Thanksgiving,I haven't done too much,but now that things are back to normal,I am in the swing again. Rick has not had much motivation,and he has admitted as much,so we have planned a couple of jobs around the house to get his feet wet again. I have come to grips with the fact that it will take a long time to get some things around here done,and that is OK. We are not going anywhere,so if it takes another 6 months to finish the kitchen,so be it. We are not trying to impress anyone,and I know my family and friends understand.Rick and I discussed getting him back in to the swing of things,and I am going to to make a list of what needs to be done to finish the kitchen and other things around the house,but I am not going to display the whole list as in the past. He finds that too overwhelming and it makes him feel rushed. So I am going to post one job at a time in order of importance.We are going to start small. Some of these things I am capable of doing,but you have to understand that Rick sees me doing a project that he was suppose to do and it makes him react negatively. " I told you I was going to do that,don't do it," he will say. He gets annoyed and frustrated,and he feels like like failure. This is why some things are taking so very long.

Most of my Christmas decorations are down,with the exception of our tree and some garland in the house,plus my outdoor decorations. Today,the tree decorations are coming down,and the garland.I will leave the outdoor decorations up a few more days.I will make a list of anything I need to replace or get more of ( like my popcorn tree garland) so I remember to get it next year.

Rick and I are embarking on a project very soon.It's not a huge one,but it should make things a bit smoother for him and help make our bedroom a bit better. I will post about that later in a post that I will call " A Tale of Two Closets."

Here's to a wonderful 2013!

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!

One Small Step.....

Trying to revamp all areas of one's life can be a daunting task. When I sit and think about everything I want to accomplish,it can make my head spin. One thing is tied in with the other. To create the home I truly want,I have to dig into myself and be the person I really want to be.That means,I have to clear up mental clutter and body clutter. I could organize my home and it could look perfect,but if I am swimming in a sea of mental and physical discontent,how I can truly enjoy it? It's a fake front.  A person's home is an extension of themselves. Clutter in the home means clutter in the person's mind,body,and spirit.I am working at the home,mind,and spirit clutter,but my greatest challenge is the body clutter  (AKA-FAT). I am wonderful at delaying the body part. Why? Probably because every time I start exercising and dieting,I sabotage myself. "Hey,"I say to myself," I lost 15 lbs. I can control it now."

Yeah,right. I gain it back plus another 15 lbs.

I hate clothes shopping,because nothing looks good on me. I have literally cried in the changing room. "Remember when you could wear whatever you wanted? Remember when you had a waist? Now look at you. You are disgusting," I hear my inner self say.  Fat clothes tend to be really ugly,and because I am only 5'2",most clothing for "heavier" gals tend to be average sized,not petite,which doesn't help matters.

How can I move forward on this front? I ponder it on a daily basis. I can't do the "I-am-going-to-diet-and-exercise-from-now-on" thing. It doesn't work. I lose my incentive. Not my gig. " Just do it already" does not work. People bugging me about it makes me want to eat more peanut butter cups (oh,how I love the sweet and salty goodness....it makes me feel great until after they are gone and then I loathe myself). No,I cannot rely on others to motivate me. It has to come from within.Rick,bless his heart,loves me and thinks I am sexy no matter what.

The only thing I can do is start small. I can't look at it as trying to lose weight,because if it doesn't happen fast enough,I will feel defeated.If I have a bad day and eat something I shouldn't,I will feel like a failure and say,"Screw it. Give me that plate of fattening carb goodness."(whatever that fattening carb goodness might be)

So...how do I start slow? How do I gradually work being more active and watching my calorie intake into my life?

1)  No more snacking after 7:30. This is a very bad habit of mine...especially peanut butter cups.

2) Work exercise gradually into my life. I walked once last week. This week I am going to walk twice. I walk about a mile or so. It may not seem much to you,but for me,it's a big accomplishment. I will keep adding walks until the weather proves too nasty,then I will hit the elliptical instead and begin to include toning with weights.Even if I don't lose weight from these walks,I am training myself mentally and physically to get used to physical exercise and hopefully will be more apt to continue and build on it.

3) Don't be on a time frame .I've tried that. I've failed at it. I'm going to keep going at slow but steady pace. 

4) Healthy for me means when I like how I feel and look. It has nothing to do with how many pounds I am.

That's where I'm starting.

As far as home decluttering goes,I tidied up our bookcase this morning. It seems to be a  catch-all for paperwork for Rick,as well as other items:

It's much better now!

I thought I would leave you on a cute note. I was looking for M&M ( Mini Moxie) a while ago. I looked in all the little hiding places that we have found him in,and when I went into our bedroom,I happened to see him curled up on my big teddy bear:

Is that just too cute or what?

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!

Freeing Myself From Paper Clutter!

Thursday was a gorgeous day,sunny,and comfortable. I picked the last of the potatoes and any of the green tomatoes that survived the frost.I would've done it earlier,but this past week has given us rain off and on,so nothing was dry until then. Now the beds are empty and the plants are in the compost pile. It wasn't our best season for gardening. I didn't even can anything because we didn't get enough of anything to can,with perhaps the exception of the green beans,which I froze instead. Rick cleaned out the coop to make the girls a bit more comfy.

Yesterday it rained all day,and this AM it's still foggy and rainy,though the weather is suppose to clear by noontime. Rick,Brother B,and Zach are all going down to Dad Shaw's house to split some wood for him for the winter later on today.The turkey that Brother B got yesterday turned out to be a bit smaller than we had hoped-8 lbs- a bit too small for Thanksgiving,so we are going to eat it tomorrow for Sunday dinner.Even though my Mom is the only extra guest we have for dinner,just that one extra person would not leave enough for a filling meal.( It reminded me of the The Fabulous Beekman Boys episode where they kill a turkey for Thanksgiving and it's waaay too small for the number of people they have invited). We may still have to buy our turkey this year unless Rick can get one with his bow.

Since yesterday was not nice, I decided to attack one of our worst areas of clutter-the front of the file cabinet and the top of the printer. Clutter in a file cabinet,you may ask? Isn't a file cabinet suppose to keep papers in order? Well, yes,in the normal world. Here in my world,I have a tendency to put papers in the front of file cabinet drawer because I am too lazy to just take the extra thirty seconds to put it in the folder it belongs. Sigh.

Many things I just placed there while still in their envelopes,so I had a whole pile of envelopes to get rid of (some which I could save for the wood stove,others I had to throw out). That in it's self freed up some space. Now I everything is filed in their proper folders,and the top of the printer is clear. I also went through the folders to see if there was anything that was no longer needed,so I had a nice pile taken out from that,too. Some weight had been removed,from both the cabinet and from my shoulders! It is so gratifying to see stuff go away.

Our new kitty,who we named Mini Moxie ( or M& M)is doing very well.He slept with us last night, Today I am going to show him the litter box. Hopefully he can climb into it,as he is still quite small.

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!

Back In The Swing And Being Aware

Yesterday was a productive day for me. I cleaned the fridge,dusted,ironed clothes,picked herbs and hung them to dry,and finally hung up the assorted tea tins that Zach gave me for Christmas!

Oregano,basil,and rosemary are very fragrant-and did kick up my allergies a bit,but that stopped after a few minutes.

The various teas and their tins that Zach gave me for Christmas.... I had to wait until the kitchen was almost done before I knew exactly where I wanted to put it!

By late afternoon,I was wiped out,though I did pick Zach up at school at 5:00. He is in an after school program called "FAMEE" ( what the letters stand for escapes me at the moment).They have various programs for the kids-and,since he is interested in film making,he is in the TV club. They are rewriting "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's  Nest" and he is going to play the Jack Nicholson role. He has volunteered to help film the school's events for local cable access,so we have to bring him to the school tonight so he can help film a volleyball game. Thursday after school he has "Youth To Youth",which is a group of kids who educated other kids about drugs and tobacco. He is going to be a very busy little bee. I told him that as long as he keeps his grades up,it's fine.

Now when I do things around the house,I take the time to immerse myself in them. I'm not thinking about what's going to happen in a few hours,or worrying about tomorrow. I am in the moment. I pay attention to the sizzle of the steam coming out of the iron,and how smoothly it runs over the clothes. I take pleasure in the smell of the herbs as I cut them off their plant,even if they make eyes itch a bit and my throat scratch. I don't rush through things anymore to finish a list. I plan my day,and I don't go overboard. 

Part of my decluttering process in the home is that I try to really look at what is around me and be aware of it. We all wind up not seeing things after a while,don't we? I look at certain areas,and think,"Is this what I want? How can I make this better and more effective? Do I really need everything that here? What is the purpose of this item? Is it even used?" I find myself happily doing things around the house now,instead of just going through the motions.

Tomorrow we are off to Norwood MA,which is about 110 miles from here. Normally,I would be dreading it terribly,as I have never been there and driving in MA is not what I would consider fun.However,since I don't have to go through Boston (thank GOD! I still will never drive in Boston)I am actually looking forward to the trip. I haven't been thinking about it non stop,worrying and obsessing over it. I'm taking it as it comes.  I might wind up being a nervous mess,but at least I won't be one for days before it. I figure that's a step forward!

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!

My Path May Not Be Yours...And That's Fine!!!

Now that my mind is clearer,I am back on my path to decluttering-body,mind,and home. I have been reading various blogs and books about topics that I deem part of my process-zen, minimalism,happiness,etc. 

One thing that I have learned through the various journeys in my life is that what one person deems the perfect solution to what they are looking for in life,it may not apply to me. For instance,I will never be minimalist. It's not me,but I can certainly glean some fabulous insight from reading about folks who are,and apply them to my life in my own way to help create what I want. When Rick and I began trying to do more for ourselves,I felt that I was "less than" if we didn't do things the way others do. I quickly realized that everyone's journey is their own,and if someone thinks what I am doing is not the right thing to do,well,that's their problem,not mine.

My Dear Friend Michelle and I discuss these type of topics when ever we get together. While we are both working toward the life we want,neither one of us really fit into either end of the spectrum. We are not mindless consumers,buying everything new in sight,nor are we ones who espouse living with as little as possible. We are somewhere in the middle. I like creature comforts. I like having a TV in my bedroom,though many folks will say not to have the TV in your bedroom. When I have a hard time sleeping because my mind is racing about things that I have no control over,I turn the TV on (or my Kindle)and watch something to distract my thoughts,or I just close my eyes and listen. I am no longer worrying about something small,I wind up being relaxed,and fall asleep easier. Of course,this is not for everybody,but it certainly works for me.

I was very pleased to see that some of what I have been thinking of has been espoused in the various sources that I have been reading! Who knew? There are more people out there that think like me than I realized.

One thing I did decide to do after much contemplation is to up my meds. I claimed I was not going to do so,that I wanted to try and work on my issues through this decluttering process,but I had a reality check. If I really wanted to help myself,I needed to be honest. My symptoms,as I mentioned before,keep getting worse. When my depression hits,it takes away my motivation and happiness. When I went to the Drs for my sinus infection,I asked her about upping my meds and explained what was going on. She increased it by 37.5 mgs.I did not want to stop this process before it really gets started,which is what would've happened when I hit a valley,because it always happens. So I did what was right for me. Believe me, I know that there will be stress, good days and bad,and that it's not a magic solution. However,when my husband comments that he's noticed a change in me (and  NOT for the better)I knew it was time to bite the bullet and do what I had to do-not just for myself,but for my family. I grew up with a depressed mother,who suffers from the same issues I do,and she never got help of any kind until 15 years ago.It was not a fun existence,and I swore I would never put my family through that,which is why when I started sounding like her and acting like her,I went on an anti depressant 9 years ago.

My plan is to take things slowly,a bit at a time.When I go whole hog,full on,it doesn't last. I revert back to old ways. This is not a race for me. I am not in a hurry. There is no finish line that I can cross and say,"There! I'm done,and in record time!" I want to enjoy each day,each learning experience,in my own way. In the end,isn't that what it's all about?


Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!

But Of Course!

Naturally,because I was feeling great,upbeat and relaxed,the best I have for quite a while,Mother Nature decided to throw a wrench into it and I have come down with what seems to to be a twice a year event- I get some strange head cold/allergy/whatever it is. Looking back,it started Tuesday evening. I made the Beekman Brothers fabulous Zucchini,Tomato,and Pepper Au Gratin and Rick BBQ'd pork chops. ( It was DELICIOUS!!!) After I made it,I felt real tired all of a sudden and had lay down for a while.I felt achy all over. I even ate in the bedroom and was asleep by 9:00 PM (which is early- I usually fall asleep around 10:00 or so). Yesterday I got up,and my sinuses hurt,my head felt woozy,and I was exhausted. I did get on the computer because I had to update some information for our Boy Scout Troop on the troop website,and I did drink some coffee and eat a muffin,but food didn't help. I wound up going back to bed. I watched "The Young Victoria" on my Kindle,which has sparked an interest with Queen Victoria and her love, Prince Albert.( I had to order the movie as well as "Victoria and Albert" from Amazon.) I slept most of the day.

Today,though I have pressure in my sinuses,they do feel better than yesterday. My head is still quite off,though. It's an odd feeling-like being dizzy but your not.It's a real spacy feeling,like  your head is very light. I feel real tired,but today I am going to at least shower. I plan on sitting out on the deck and enjoying the beautiful day,but at some point I know I am going to have to take a nap. I feel completely wiped out, like I haven't slept in days.

I do take allergy medicine,but apparently,I need to speak to my Dr because it' s not working on whatever it is that causes this. It happens in the fall,and again in the winter. In keeping with my goal of decluttering my body,I started taking a multi vitamin last week,and I actually can hold them down now (when I tried,I got sick last time). I was feeling great! Now this.

But of course.

How I Began Eliminating Mental Clutter

We all have mental clutter,don't we? Whether it's what we read,see,hear,or think,our brain is constantly going. What it tells us can affect our bodies. At least,it does with mine.

I have been very open about my depression and anxiety issues. I usually wake up with a knot of dread in my stomach.Sometimes it's hard to enjoy things,because what's going on in my brain keeps that knot going. It gets to the point where even if there are no negative thoughts careening around in my gray matter,the knot is still there,because it's used to being there. Part of my decluttering goal is to rid that knot without having to up my medication ( Effexor) or go see someone one on one. 

My first step was trying to eliminate the things that cause my anxiety.Granted,I cannot get rid of everything in life that causes me anxiety.I would have to live by myself in a plastic bubble with no contact with anyone or anything for the rest of my life. It would work,but it isn't feasible,and it isn't what I want.However, I did make some simple steps,and to be honest,they have already helped.

1) I Eliminated Facebook. When I first joined FB,it was fun. I enjoyed contacting old friends I had not seen or spoken to in years. Lately,however,it has turned into a bully fest. People post horrid things on other's pages if they don't agree with them,especially on political and social issues (my blogging friend and fellow Bonnethead Laura from My Simple Happy Life had a good post about this very thing).I've had to block people from my page because they were just so rude and nasty. Why would someone who claims to be my "friend"say such horrid things to me or to other "friends"? I don't get it. When I started to dread going on FB,I know it was enough. When I would  get angry at some of the ridiculous assertions and bold faced lies that they would use as facts  it would get gnaw at me for the whole day- and,well,I knew I couldn't do that anymore. So I bowed out. I don't miss it one bit and now I find more focus on this here little blog and reading the blogs I enjoy.FB tends to suck up time that I could spend doing things that are actually beneficial.

2) I Got Rid of Unwanted Emails. I eliminated mass emails from organizations. I don't mind a few,but when I started getting 20 a day,which I never read anyway,it was enough. I also had to ask folks to stop sending me emails belittling my views. I respect theirs,even if I don't agree,but I don't send them emails against what they believe. I expect the same courtesy from them. Again,it was to the point where I would dread opening my email box. Usually I would just delete them without reading them,but the fact that they were there would make me filled with anxiety-because,in my mind,if you belittle what I believe,you are belittling ME.

3) I Stay Away From 24 Hour News Channels.Very little news,a lot of BS. When I was growing up,we had the local news at noon,at six,national news at 6:30,and local again at 11:00 PM. You got all the information you needed-because back then,people were actually journalists They weren't shills for political parties to try and spread misinformation for political gain. Now they are just paid  parrots for whatever political party runs their news organization.Living in NH,we get bombarded with political crap 24 hours a day seven days I week. I can watch a half hour show and see the same damn political commercial 5 times.  We really need a new Walter Cronkite!!!!

4) I Only Read Blogs That Are Uplifting To Me. If you want to discuss gardening,self improvement,self sufficiency, Laura Ingalls Widler,etc,then I am your girl.Otherwise,I am not going to read it.No offense.

By doing these 4 simple things,I now start my mornings on a more happy note.Before, I would get off the computer filled with anxiety and anger,which would color my whole day. Now, my mornings are happy and anxiety free,which makes for a better day.My spirit feels lighter!

Have a fabulous day on this Fabulous Planet!