Rick And Donna's Excellent Adventure

Friday Rick and I went down to Boston for Rick's psych eval for the Temporary Disabled Retirement List.(He already had his physical eval last month) Every solider that is diagnosed with PTSD gets put on this list for a maximum of 5 years. At anytime in that 5 years,the military can send the solider to a Dr for an update,to see if that solider is getting better. It's beneficial if the solider has just been wounded and receives help right away.This is not our case,but you do what you have to do.

I cannot drive in Boston.I did it once,and almost had a nervous breakdown. If it was a matter of life and death,I would do it,but only if all other avenues were exhausted. So we decided to take the train down. It wasn't cheap ($70 round trip) but well worth it for my nerves. Plus,I knew that I would have to be the strong one,so I didn't want to be a mess for Rick when I knew he was going to be relying on me to get him from point A to B and back again.

We arrived at the Amtrak Downeaster station in Dover early enough for me to take a photo of Rick in front of the office:

Here she comes,ready to bring us to North Station in Boston:

The train ride was very comfortable,and took roughly an hour and a half. We had 5 stops before we reached North Station. One great thing was that they sold subway tickets (called the "T" in Boston) right on the train,so we didn't have to try and buy them at North Station. We each bought a "Charlie Card" with gives you a round trip on the subway. Rick was very nervous,and I was too,but not as nervous as I thought I would be. I guess the fact that Rick was depending on me pushed all that to the side. Bless his heart,I did get a bit impatient with him a few times on the way down and when we were trying to find our subway. When Rick gets overwhelmed,even if you give him correct information,he will ask questions over and over. It's not that he doesn't trust what I am saying,it's that he's trying to get everything straight and calm himself down.

It was fairly nerve racking when we got off the train at North Station.Thankfully,our train arrived there at 10:30 AM,and our appt wasn't until 3:00PM,so we had plenty of time to find where we were going. The first thing we did was look around in the station to get our bearings,then we went to find the Green Line,which,we discovered,was on the next street over. Rick was already pinging-lots of people,not being sure of where everything was. We found the Green Line,swiped our Charlie Cards to get through the turnstile,then tried to figure out where the E train was,as well as if we were going Outbound or Inbound (we were going Inbound-into the city,we figured out).Thankfully,we weren't the only people who had no clue as to what was going on,because we had people approach us asking if we knew what train to take to the Flower Show in town,and another lady was on the way to a job interview. She told me her life story as we waited for the trains.She lost her job as a dental assistant when her boss had to stop work to care for a family member who had cancer. I hope she found her interview and did well on it.

We found the E train,looked at the map in the car and found that our stop (Arlington) was the fifth stop on the way. We sat down,and that is where I made a big mistake. I should've let Rick sit by the window and put myself by the aisle. However, I did the opposite,and because the train was crowded,a lady was standing up next to Rick holding on to a pole. She was so close to him that if he turned his head to the right,his head would've been right in her cleavage. He kept muttering,"I don't like this,I don't like this,I'm ready to lose it." I put my hand his leg and told him it wouldn't be long,only a few minutes. Our stop came,and Rick was one might happy camper.(The fact that he doesn't like tunnels,and here we were in a subway,did not help matters,either). Once we got out of the station,and got our bearings,we walked down Arlington St to Melrose to find out where this Dr Ira Lable was. Rick almost got hit by a taxi...though we were in the crosswalk AND walking to the WALK light.

Bay Village (which I have no photos for because of course,my camera battery died) has lovely Federal style townhouses.Edgar Allen Poe was born there. We found the address,then tried to find a restaurant. We settled on an Italian restaurant,which,come to find out,had gluten free pasta,so Rick was quite happy. He had Shrimp Scampi,and I had Baked Ziti,Both were delicious,and it gave us time to sit and decompress a bit. Rick,of course, was still quite nervous about the Dr's appt,but he seemed in better spirits after we ate. We had plenty of time to kill,so we decided to stroll over to the Public Garden and Boston Common to walk off our pasta.

One thing that amazed us was how fast everything is down there. The traffic,the pedestrians...I couldn't live like that. All we could smell when you couldn't smell food was exhaust. Rick commented that everyone was dressed alike,and we noticed that he was the only person who was wearing plaid. Not business appropriate,I suppose :) Give me my quiet little house where I can breathe fresh air and see the milky way above my house!

The weather was gray and bit raw,which was too bad,but we still enjoyed ourselves.The first thing Rick noticed was all the squirrels in the Public Garden-gray ones,blondish ones,even an white Albino one.There were hundreds!They weren't shy either. They would a come up to us,get on their hind legs,and beg. I missed this little guy begging, but I still took his photo nonetheless. Rick joked,"We could eat for a year in a this place!!!"  There was herds of them. I've never seen anything like it.

After we walked the Public Garden,we went across the street to Boston Common:

I thought that the view of the park with the skyscrapers in the background made an interesting photo:

We found the cemetery with no problem. I had also read that the Central Burying Ground was home to a mass grave of British soldiers who were killed at the Battle of Bunker Hill,but when we walked around in the cemetery,we couldn't find any mention of it:

We did find some interesting tombstones,however:

Many tombstones had been worn by time and were illegible. Some were broken,either by age or vandals. Quite a few were for children,which was very sad. This one caught the eye of Rick:

It's hard to read,but it's in memory of a 19 year old Chinese boy who died when he fell from the mast of the ship Mae that he was working on in 1709. His master had the stone erected .

Then,this stone caught our eye:

It reads "Here lies the body of Fanny Webster,daughter of Josiah and Sarah Webster of Rye NH,died October 16,1805,16 yrs." Why would this catch our eye? Rick is related to Daniel Webster,and the Websters were from Rye,NH. I wrote down the info to do some research on later.

We still had lots of time to kill,so we walked back to the Public Garden and saw this iconic image of Boston:

Many folks have seen this before,and I always thought that it was an homage to Paul Revere and his famous ride. It's not. It's George Washington. You learn something new everyday.

At this point,it's 1:30,and it's starting to get real raw out. After sitting on a park bench for a few minutes,we decided to hit Finale,which is a place that has desserts.(And gluten free ones!) I had some chocolate type thing,and Rick had raspberry cheesecake (no crust). We each enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and warmed up a bit. At 2:15,we decided to go to the Dr's office.

Dr Lable is an older gentlemen,I would say in his sixties or seventies,and he had about 15 pages of questions that the military sent for him to fill out. He also read through the reports that the VA sent him. He was very nice,and we answered the questions easily : Do you get confused? Do you do things repetitively? Do you have nightmares?  etc,etc. At the end,the Dr said to Rick "Well, you certainly have been through a lot. I agree with the assessment that you have full blown PTSD and a moderate Brain Injury. I'll write up my report and send it out. I wish you the best of luck.The military should put you on full retirement." We thanked him for his time and walked back to the Arlington train station,hopped on the Green Line yet again (we waited for the least full train) and arrived at North Station,breathing sighs of relief that this was finally over. On the Amtrak back to Dover,I was wiped out-I snoozed a tiny bit while Rick played Solitaire on my Kindle. Any game like that is good for his brain function.It helped him decompress a bit. I was quite happy to arrive in Dover,get in the car,and drive back home.

So...we did it! We survived our Excellent Adventure. Now we wait to see what the military will say.

By the way...Fanny Webster is related to Rick.She is his third cousin 6 generations removed.

Out And About Again

Saturday was my first day out in over a week. My Dear Friend Michelle and I went down to East Kingston for a Gardening Seminar,put on in part by the UNH Cooperative Extension Service. We got there early,so after scouting out where the building ( an old one room schoolhouse) was,we went to a little antique shop down the road to pass the time. Once we went back to the school,it didn't take long for the  gardening folk to start filtering in.There was not a lot of seating,which is why it was a pre sign up event.

  The first speaker discussed soil,temperature,etc.,the rather clinical stuff that tends to make my eyes glaze over. We then took a break for some food and drink (sponsored by the local Grange). The second speaker was a woman who discussed permaculture and "lasagna" gardening. Michelle and I both found her more interesting. There was also a bit of discussion about GMO's. After the speakers,they had seeds and starter trays for folks who wanted to learn more about seed starting. Since we are familiar with that,we decided to check out another antique store before heading back home. We had a great afternoon,with lots of laughter.One thing that I found a bit ironic was that we discussed how so many talented people pass away early because of their demons. Then that night came the news that Whitney Houston passed away.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day,and Rick and I decided to go out for dinner this year. We went to a place called the Governors Inn in Rochester. The Governors Inn is the old home of former NH Governor Spaulding-it's a gorgeous old house. We sat in the parlor area next to the fireplace and had a fabulous meal-Rick had Chicken Florentine (which happened to be gluten free!) and I had Filet Mignon. The meal was delicious and the company lovely!  :)

Rick is now getting used to this new meds,so he's starting to feel a bit better. The Depakote does not dull him as much as the Seroquil,so he is more aware of things around him,which in turn causes him a bit more stress,but he has been dealing with it well.

We heard from the med board,and Rick has two appts-one tomorrow in Gilford,NH for the physical part and one down in Boston next week for the mental part. Rick is on "temporary retirement"-anyone that has been diagnosed with PTSD is put on it to see if they will get better. Well, that is fine if the soldier actually gets intensive help right after they come out of combat,but pretty useless if the soldier not only has PTSD but TBI as well,and the soldier isn't even diagnosed with TBI until 2 years after he returns home,which is what Rick's circumstance is.These are issues that have to addressed ASAP,not a year or two down the road. The military can put you on temporary retirement for up to 5 years,and you have to keep going to these evaluations until they determine that 1)you can do your job in the military or 2)you have to be medically out.  He  is 100% disabled through the VA,so whatever the military decides really doesn't matter. He's still disabled and not reenlisting in the service. At any rate,I have a feeling that he will be officially retired after these appointments. At least, I hope so.

Time to make some crock pot chili. Have a fabulous day!!!

Goodbye 2010...Hello 2011

It doesn't seem possible that we are already going to say goodbye to 2010 in just over 12 hours. So much has happened to us this year,and we have learned much.Not everything got accomplished,and some things that I personally was striving for (such as weight loss) fell to the wayside. However,the overall year was certainly more positive than negative. Here is a reflection on the year that was........

The biggest things that happened to us as a family was that Rick was finally medically retired from the military in April. It took three med boards and 5 years for this to happen. By November,he was 100% disabled through the VA,collecting his monthly pension and receiving Social Security Disability. In May,his knee problems were finally diagnosed by one of the best hospitals in the US,Dartmouth Hitchcock,which is also a training hospital for Dartmouth College,one of the Ivy League schools ( For those of you who are outside the US and may not know,Ivy League schools are schools that are the oldest in the nation,such as Harvard,Yale,Brown,Princeton).He was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Degenerative Arthritis,which was incurred from his days in Combat Airborne back in the 1980's,fighting what I call President Reagan's "secret little wars." Both knees were replaced with titanium.He spent three weeks in rehab,and has made  a quick recovery-his surgeon is very pleased. Those three things are most certainly the biggest things that have happened to us this year.

At the beginning of the year,we sat down and discussed what we wanted to do,why we wanted to do it,and how. For the first time,we started seeds indoors. That was a learning experience.Lights,grow trays,heating pads, timers....the one big thing I learned was that I should not take peppers off the heating pads once they sprout. Our basement is cool,and it stunted the growth of the peppers,but I put them back on heat and they did wind up growing.We learned about Square Foot Gardening,and made boxes,made a compost shifter,and shifted lots of compost. We bought a compost tumbler,and my sister gave us a compost bin. We put a small bucket in the kitchen for composting kitchen scraps (who knew that paper towels were compostable? I didn't!). Rick and I built our turkey cage and got Narragansett turkeys from one of our friends. We built a chicken house and got chickens. I discovered that chickens and turkeys love weeds pulled from the garden. We did our first canning this year,and though my veggie weight tally wasn't complete,I do know we grew 28lbs of cukes! We set up rain barrels from juice barrels that Brother Dale gave us. That helped keep the poultry watered since our dug well was low. We planted blueberries,blackberries strawberries,and raspberries. We started a kitchen garden-mint,rosemary,oregano,thyme,and basil (Rick and Brother B tell me I need to plant and dry more oregano next year).Our Concord Grapes took off last year and we bought a trellis,which is already too small-I think we will make an arbor this coming Spring. We got edible apples from out Jonathan apple tree this year! It was planted before Rick went to Iraq. We used our neighbors wood chips to make a walkway to the house and we also used them in between the raised beds. Our  other neighbor let us use a mix of their dirt and wood chips to extend our driveway.  We made our own maple syrup,as little as there was.I made lye soap,continued making laundry detergent,and attempted to make dish soap,but because I didn't like the results I went back to store bought,but went to Planet,and stopped using Ajax. I stopped buying Clorox wipes and started making my own cleaners-bleach and water for disinfectant and white vinegar and water for glass cleaner. I began making my own brown sugar ( sooooo much better than store bought!). I make our own bread and baked goods.I started teaching myself how to knit.

We made a few investments: a new (used) four wheel drive truck,an artesian well (which will never run dry),a new snow blower,and a new wood splitter. We purchased tree length wood,which should keep us in heat for a few years. Rick bought me a Cuisinart stand mixer,with  food processor and meat grinder attachments.

We took a lovely trip to Malone,NY,and got to explore the world of Almanzo Wilder,the husband of one of my all time (if not THE all time) favorite authors,Laura Ingalls Wilder. It was so much fun,and was really something to stroll among the grounds and in the house that I have read about so many times in Farmer Boy.

Personally,though I haven't succeeded at weight loss,or conquered my procrastination issues,I have done much soul searching this year. I feel as a person I have grown and have a more sense of self,though I still have much more growing to do. I am more comfortable in my own skin and in what I believe. I don't get into religion and politics on this site,because that has nothing to do with what we are trying to achieve here.However, these two issues have been some of what has been rolling around my head this last year. Suffice it to say I don't like extremism in religion or in politics,and I don't like it when people try to use fear or paranoia to try and gather followers or votes. Sadly,there is much of that out there right now. I think it's scary.

We have a list already in the works for this coming year:
-Double the size of the garden
-New metal roof on the house and garage
-New deck
-Weatherproof the mud room so we have a place we can keep coats,etc since we dont' have a coat closet.
-Remodel the bathroom
-Remodel the kitchen
-Paint the house and garage
-Clean out the attic
-New windows in the basement
-Make a cold frame with the old sliding glass doors
-Have a cold weather garden this year
-Maybe get goats!

I am sure the list will be added to,and though I know not all will get accomplished,that is what we would like to see happen.

Thank you all for following our lives here in our little cottage.I am very grateful that you all have followed us on our continuing journey.

From all of us here at The Little Yellow Farm to all of you throughout the world,have a wonderful New Years! I hope your joys are many,your sorrows few.

See you next year!!!!!  :)

Finally!

It has been 4 years and 8 months since that day in Ramadi,Iraq that changed our lives forever. We have been through 4 med boards,and played the "hurry up and wait" game that military plays.

Now,finally,Rick is heading towards military medical retirement. He will be considered "temporarily" retired on April 23. Hopefully that will be quite temporary and they will be put him full time retirement sooner than later.

This means adjustments as well. We will be making less than we are now. We have been through worse,however.

Rick finally has his sleep apnea machine. The problem is his knees are causing him so much pain,he can't sleep.So he hasn't been using it. He is up till the wee hours,and when I get up he is asleep in his recliner. It is very difficult to wake him up in the morning. Today he said he should just go off the morphine (albeit in stages,because one just does not quit that stuff cold turkey)because it's not doing anything. 120 mg a day,and it doesn't even touch the pain.

His primary physician has been gone the last couple of weeks.Rick called Fee Basis (who OK's major surgeries that might take place outside the VA system)to see if they had received the results from Dartmouth ,but they haven't as of yet. Which means his Primary has not sent them the results. This could actually happen with the VA system,though. The Dr who saw Rick at Dartmouth is also outsourced to the VA in White River Junction,VT. So that could work. We just need to get the ball rolling again.

Rick's memory is still a problem,and he continues to lose blocks of time. The other day he mentioned that he wanted to play some solitaire on the computer ( it helps his brain function to play games like that),but only for a few minutes. He wanted to wash the dishes and get the house situated while I was grocery shopping. He mentioned this because the week before when I went grocery shopping,he lost two hours. I came home and he was shocked that I was home. He lost two hours and it freaked him out.

It happened again.

I came home and he was on the computer. "No! Not again! How long have you been gone?" he asked. I looked at the clock." An hour and a half," I replied. "I thought you just left about 15 minutes ago," he said,shaking his head." I hate this stupid time loss stuff."

Now, we all can lose track of time. However, we tend to lose maybe 15, 20 minutes. Not a couple of hours or a day or two. It really scares him when he will have no recollection of a few days at a time.

The other day he asked me if I was born while my Dad was in the Pacific during WWII. For some reason he was confused about the time line. He knows that I was born in 1967,and I am 5 years younger than he is ( he always jokes that he would never leave me for a younger woman because I am his younger woman!)but for some reason he asked. Not sure what brought that train of thought up.Sometimes he has to say something while it's in his head,otherwise he will forget. It doesn't matter if it's on topic or not. It can be frustrating when trying to discuss something I feel is important,or even important to both of us,and all of a sudden he will switch topics and discuss what's in his head. At first,it was quite disconcerting and it made me feel like what he had to say was more important. However, now I understand that it is how his brain now works. It can still be frustrating at times,I admit. Especially when it's something we have discussed over and over-because he forgets that we have discussed it or he needs affirmation.

Today he and his brother Brian took down the old turkey cage in anticipation of building a bigger one.That will be a good project. Our turkey lurkeys should be arriving in a few weeks.

A Step Forward

So far I have been doing pretty well on my weight. I have not missed one work out session,and have cut WAY back on my bread intake. So far I have lost 7 lbs. My motivation has been never been stronger. This time I am going to see it through! I do have my moments when bad things call to me,and I literally have to talk myself out of eating something. Like anything else,it's one day at a time.

We continue to plan for the spring,and Rick's enthusiasm is still very strong.He is talking about building a small smokehouse.The other day we priced lighting for seed starting.We do still have to figure out how much to plant. I have had a bit of a procrasination issue going on which I need to snap out of.

Last night we watched "The Hurt Locker,"about a detonation team in Iraq. Rick wanted to watch it. I wasn't sure he was going to. I have rented Iraq war movies before,and he has never been able to watch. Usually he will either ask me to shut it off or he will leave the room. However,he watched the whole thing,and even said it was a good movie. If there was something going on that he had went through,he would discuss it ia bit.I kept asking throughout the movie if he was OK,and he kept saying he was. He said that movie wasn't bad. I am sure there are others that he probably could not watch still,such as ones with more combat. However,one movie is a step foward.

Rick's Narrative Summary from Walter Reed got sent back to Fort Drum,but they wanted more info,so in a couple of weeks,we should have their final assessment. We are keeping our fingers crossed that they give him a fair percentage.

Two more months until Spring!!!!!

An End In Sight?

Things around here have been busy,as I am sure it is in everybody's home this time of the year.We have been painting our living room from a sage green to "Raffia Cream",putting up crown molding,as well as window and door molding. The room is coming along nicely. Rick has been working to tolerance,as usual. He gets real tired because his brain has been working hard and his knees are in so much pain. There was a big source of frustration:the crown molding. Try as he might,even after reading our Home Depot Book and talking to people who have put up crown molding before,he could not figure out how to get the corners to be right. The molding does not sit flat on the wall,it sits at an angle. He spent four days (a few hours a day was all he could take)trying to get the correct angle on one piece of molding. His brother Brian spoke up and said that he remembered that they sell corner pieces that the molding can butt up against-no cutting! What do you know? The crown molding went up in a couple of days.It is now painted and just needs to be caulked in spots.
Our Christmas tree is up,and it looks nice with the white lights and red and white checked bows. I do have some other ornaments on it,but not many. I wasn't sure I was going to like the white lights,having never used them,but it does look good.
Today was a good day. We got the Narrative Summary from Fort Drum via email for Rick to look over. Tomorrow he needs to call his contact at Fort Drum tomorrow,go over the Narrative Summary. It then goes to Walter Reed,where it will be reviewed by other doctors who will make the determination of how much of a disabiity Rick will get. It is amazing to actually see the end in sight,after four years and three med boards. We have learned,however,to keep hope at a minimum,because of all the curves that this process has thrown our way.This way we don't get overly optimistic just to be disappointed again.
Rick's speech therapist also told us today that Rick does not need to go to sessions any more. We were surprised. She said that he has made good progress in his word associations.There will still be issues going forward,because the memory loss is permanent,but she taught him skills to help him remember words, appointments-basically how to make things easier to remember.For instance,,in his PDA,instead of jotting down "Zach's honors assembly at school",he will write only one or two words that he knows will jog his memory. He wrote "Honors"in the time slot it begins.This one word triggers his memory of what the event is.
Rick also had another sleep study last night. When he had the first one in August,he was not laying down-he slept sitting up in the bed. He stopped snoring 9 times an hour. Well,for a real accurate study,he needed to be laying down. So they did the test again,and we should see by the beginning of the New Year if his sleep apnea is worse when he is laying down. It should be interesting.
The woodstove is making the house so nice and warm. It is very cold outside this evening-with the wind chill it might hit the single digits. Up north in Coos County it may hit -30 below.Brr!!!

A Last Appointment

Today is the last appointment for the med board!
Rick is having an EMG ( electronic nerve testing) done on his right foot. This was the last test that the military wanted,and since there were no openings for appointments when we were at Fort Drum,the appointment had to be outsourced here in NH. There were a few snags and miscommunication with the VA,so the process got held up,but today is the day.
The rest of his NARSUMS ( narrative summaries) are completed,so once Fort Drum receives these test results,the last NARSUM can be written up,then his packet will be sent to Walter Reed for the final review. Whew!
So today is a good day.
I have been gearing up for Christmas. We bought new house lights ( ours had had it) yesterday,and I went into the woods out back and got some greenery. I picked from three different types of pine trees to get a nice mix. I put them in hanging planters by the road,my window boxes,and this year I will put them in our old Cub Scout Chuck Wagon.I usually mix them in with red berries. There wasn't a lot of red berries around where I normally get them this year,so I only have a few branches to use. I will keep the berries in the house,and put small red ribbons in my greenery outside. I have a large wreath I put on the front of the house,and this year I bought two smaller wreaths,one for each side of my french doors. I usually put a wreath on our house door,but this year I bought a door cover that has Santa on it,which is sound activated. It plays the Christmas Song and lights up. I am sure it will be annoying by the end of the first day,but I wanted to do something different this year.
Inside I put the greenery and berries on all my window sills with my battery operated candles (I don't have enough outlets for the electric ones,and even if I did the cords are never long enough)and on my shelf in the dining room. It is this huge old mirror that has a shelf on it and what it's from,I don't' know,probably some bedroom set. I bought it for $60 several years ago,and I love it.I also make a display in a vase on the dining room table.
I am trying white lights on our Christmas tree this year. I have never had white lights,always colored lights,my whole life. I am trying to go for a more natural look,more simple,more old fashioned. I have my red and white checked ribbons,glitter snowflakes,candy canes,special ornaments (using only a few)and Christmas cards that I think are really pretty. I also tuck in some pine cones here and there.
Today is rainy and foggy,so I won't be able to start the outdoor decorating.I will putter around inside,do a couple of loads of laundry,and start writing out my Christmas cards ( which I actually bought four weeks ago!!!!) Rick started supper in the crock pot-pork roast with onion,potatoes,carrots,and garlic.
Still no snow in our neck of the woods. Up north they got a few inches over the weekend,but still nothing down here.I am not complaining!!! :)

Med Board Findings

We got back from Fort Drum last Friday night,and the week went well. On Tues Rick had Behavioral Health,and Part 1 and Part 2 of his physical. Behavioral Health is a fancy term for "we are going check to see if you really have PTSD." When we went to check in,we were told that the Dr was not in that week,but they would see when they could schedule us,and would we please have a seat? I was sputtering," If they can't do this appointment this week,I am going to be very very angry," among a few other choice phrases. Rick kept telling me to keep my voice down." Let's not get upset yet," he told me."They wouldn't have had us come here if someone wasn't going to see us." I was amazed that he could seem so calm. "Oh,I'm not, "he told me,"but I am trying very hard to hold it together."
About 20 minutes later, a soft spoken woman came over to us. "Specialist Shaw,the Dr you were suppose to see is not here this week,but we have arranged for you to see another Dr via teleconference from Walter Reed Hospital.Please follow me." We both breathed a collective sigh of relief and followed her to another part of the building.They brought us into the teleconference room,and I must admit it was pretty neat.The Dr was there on a big flat screen TV. He went over the report that the Dr had made in March,and asked us questions. I told him that Rick had a NeuroPsych evaluation in May,and did he have access to that report? He said that while he could pull up a few VA reports,he was not able to pull up that one. I told him I had it,and could we fax it to him. He said that would be great,so I went out to the reception area and gave the soft spoken lady the report for her to fax.
He read the report,then asked,"How old is the Dr that administered this test?" Right away our warning flags went up. " He is older, maybe late 60's or early 70's," I told him."That would explain it," he said. "This test is an old testing method. It really doesn't tell me much. Testing for TBI has changed two or three times." Rick and I groaned. Great. However...." Rick is scheduled for another Neuro Psych eval this week," I told him. " Well,it couldn't hurt,"he said. His initial diagnosis was Cognitive Disorder NOS.Because some of the symptoms of PTSD and TBI are the same,there is no way of telling what is what. Apparently this is a new term they use for patients with PTSD and TBI.
Next was Rick's Part 1 Physical,which consisted of blood work,a hearing test,an eye test,a chest xray,and and EKG. Then we went to Part 2,where his medical history is gone over. When we went in March, Part 2 took over 3 hours. We had to fill out all of Rick's medical history. They then go over everything with him and type up their comments. Since most of the work was done,this time they just went over what was written up in the report before,and added any changes.They want Rick to have an EMG done on his right foot-electronic impulse testing-to see if he has any nerve damage,which we are doing through the VA. Rick now walks on the outside of his right foot because of his knee pain,and it is causing blisters and calluses.He also now sort of swings his right foot out to the side in a sort of semi circle when he walks. They also made note of his knees,his sleep apnea,hypopituitaryism,and his hypothyroidism.
Wednesday was Range of Motion,which was for his knees. I hate when they test his knees, because I know how much pain he is in,and I always get tears in my eyes. I can't help it.He told Rick that each knee should bend to 140 degrees,and his only bend to 90 on one and 85 on the other. He said to Rick," Your knees are messed up." They are waiting for a report from the Orthopedic Surgeon at the Boston VA,whom we saw today to see if Rick will have surgery. I will have to post about that appointment separately.
Thursday was a really big test: the NeuroPsych evaluation. This test determines if Rick has TBI,and at what level. The test he had in May said he had TBI,but it was not a very thou rough report. It didn't say at what level it was,and it was a page and a half. The military wanted something more specific,with a longer report. We went to another town to see a civilian PhD,who the military uses. He was very nice,and conducted a medical and mental health record review,clinical interview,and NAB ( Neuropsychological Assessment Battery).He asked about several symptoms,and out of the 30,Rick had 27. He then gave him testing in the following areas:Attention,Language,Memory,Spatial,and Executive Functioning. The tests took 5 hours. Rick thought it had only been 30-60 minutes. He also thought that he was going quickly on the tests,when in actuality he was going rather slowly.
When Rick was done, the Dr said he could give us a preliminary diagnosis based on the test scoring and his impressions. Here is what the test results showed. 100 is considered average.
Attention: 49 Severely impaired
Language:73 Mildly to moderately impaired
Memory:68 Moderately impaired
Spatial:75 Mildly to moderately impaired
Executive Functions: 83 Mildly impaired
Total:64
The bottom line is his brain injury is considered moderate.
We were surprised. Moderate? Not mild? We had been told he had a mild injury because he didn't lose consciousness when the explosion happened. We told the Dr this,and he said, "Who told you that? Excuse my language,but that is bullshit." The blast affected his brain globally.Rick was depressed after this appointment,but we were glad that finally,we have a proper diagnosis.
Once the military has all the information,they will finalize the NARSUM ( Narrative Summary),send it to us,then send it to Walter Reed Hospital,where it will be reviewed by doctors who will determine if Rick can be retired,or temporarily retired ( if they think some of his problems might be able to get better). We should know after the holidays.

Hi Ho,Hi Ho,Back to Fort Drum We Go

Well,Rick and I leave tomorrow for our last (hopefully)trip to Fort Drum,NY. We have our itinerary,and Rick begins his doctor appointments on Tuesday.It will be a long week,as he basically has only one appointment a day. It would be great if they could do more than one,and get everything done in just two or three days instead of four,but,as with everything in the military,it's "hurry up and wait."
Rick is very nervous,because he doesn't want to have to go through all this another time. I think he is more afraid of his reaction if this is not the last time we have to do this. Rick is great about holding back his anger (and that is due in part to his medication),but if he lets it go,it will not be pretty.People have told us,"What are you having a problem with? You get paid every month by the National Guard,and you will wind up making less than you do now." That is true,however,that is not the point. No one who has been wounded while serving his country should have to wait four years to complete a medical board review. No one. You never know when they will call and say,"By the way,you are going to Fort Drum next week." Usually you do not get much advance notice. What if you have planned to go somewhere? Fly across the country? Do something special with your family? You are at the mercy of the board,and it's when they have a slot to put you in. Whatever is going on in your life is not their problem. Take for instance Rick's knee appointment. This is the appt we have been waiting for for a year. First we had to reschedule because the doctor was going to be on vacation,then we had to reschedule because the med board was going to be the week of our rescheduled appt. As much as we want the med board completed,if they could have waited another week so we could at least find out what they are going to do with Rick's knees,it wouldn't have hurt our feelings any. We are also a bit confused regarding the med board and his knees. First we were told that they wouldn't do the board until Rick knew what was going on with his knees,and if it was surgery,he would have to be fully healed to his ability before they would send him to Fort Drum. Then,two weeks later,we were told that they wanted him at the med board in October-regardless of what was going on with his knees.
It has been an ongoing source of frustration for four years now,and it does not help someone with PTSD. Everytime there is a glitch,it compounds the symptoms.When Fort Drum calls the day after Rick has an appt,and they inquire if he went because the dr's notes aren't up yet,it makes him very angry. He keeps telling them,"I do everything I need to do on my end. My appt was just yesterday,if the notes aren't up,then they haven't been written yet." Or when they tell him to tell his doctors that they need to write more in their notes,that also ticks him off. "I am not going to tell my doctors how to do their job. You want more info,then please feel free to ask them."
One thing we are very happy about is now the military can access VA records electronically. When we went in March, we had to bring copies of all his records. I had to carry them around,and they weighed around 8-10 lbs and were many inches thick.Now we don't have to worry about that. My back and shoulders are very grateful!

An End in Sight?

In my last post,I talked about Rick's knee appt being changed and our disappointment. Well, guess what?
It's been changed again!!!
Rick called Fort Drum,NY (where the med board is) to let them know that the appointment for his knees had been changed. When he told them what date it was,they informed him that he would have to reschedule it. He has to go to back Fort Drum that week.
Let me give a bit of history here. Rick has been to the med board three times. For those who are not aware of what the med board is,the med board is a process that those in the military go through when there is question regarding their fitness for duty. It can be a physical or mental problem. Because we live in NH,we go to Fort Drum,NY. Whatever is in question ( sight,mental problems,range of motion,etc) is examined by doctors. They then make their assessment, and write up what is called a NARSUM ( Narrative Summary),which the solider reads,and if they agree with the diagnosis,the NARSUM is sent to Walter Reed Hospital to go before the rating board. Doctors there read the NARSUM,and decide what percentage of disability to give to the solider. The rating is based on how the injury affects how well they can do their job in the military.
When Rick first got back in 2005,he was sent to the med board while he was in Fort Gordon. At that point, he had not been diagnosed with TBI,but chronic PTSD. While his paperwork was in the process of being sent,he received orders cutting him from active duty and sending him back home. The process stopped.
Then, in 2007,he went to the med board again,this time to Fort Drum. It was there that he was told he was testing positive for TBI. On the last day of his appts,he was told that his paperwork was not in order,so they said he would have to come back.
I am Rick's advocate,because of his memory problems,so when we got the word that he was going back to the med board in March of this year,I went with him. We were assured that this would be his last med board,and that what had happened to him in the past was not acceptable.
We went through all the tests that was required-psych,range of motion ( for his back and legs),optometry and hearing. When we went for the TBI testing,the Dr (who was not military) told us that since in his VA records he had tested positive for TBI,there really wasn't any need to have the testing again. That sounded fine to us. We went home and waited.
Then Fort Drum notified us that they wanted more details regarding the TBI,and we needed to schedule a Neuro Psych eval through the VA. Now,in 2007,Rick had attempted to have this test done,but because his PTSD was not under control ( the proper medication and dose were not discovered yet) he could not complete the test. His attention span was too poor. However, on the basic test,he did screen positive for TBI. Well, alrighty then. I scheduled the test. He completed the three hour test in May. We then waited for the Drs notes and diagnosis to be sent to Fort Drum.
In the meantime,the Dr that examined him for Behavioral Health (Ie-psych) at Fort Drum was being rotated ( shipped) out to another unit. By the time the paperwork reached Fort Drum,he was gone,so this part of the NARSUM was left incomplete.That meant we would have to go back to Fort Drum.
Now, since March, there has been more problems with Rick's health. Not only has the TBI affected his memory,but it has affected him physically. After the Neuro Psych eval,Rick had an appt with a Neuro TBI Dr,who checks for any physical problems related to the TBI. He sent Rick for Sleep Apnea testing,since Rick now snores loud enough to rattle the windows (which he never did before he went to Iraq)and for an appointment with the endocrinologist to check his pituitary gland function. A red flag went up because Rick's thyroid barely works,and his primary Dr put him on meds for it ( again, no issues before Iraq). Rick's strength level is also low,as well as his stamina. ( another red flag,no issues before Iraq).
Now the TBI is responsible for his cognitive problems,memory loss,pituitary gland problems (poor functioning thyroid,low testosterone,and borderline cortisol levels),and sleep apnea. We just got the results of this test yesterday. He stops breathing 9 times an hour,and his oxygen levels go down to 88%. We were told if they were that level all the time,he would be on oxygen.
So now,and rightly so,the folks at Fort Drum want to do an update on all these things,because they were not known in March. His knees are also worse,and we have been told that his double vision will not go away.
So he will have to see Behavioral Health, possibly TBI,range of motion for his knees,optomology,and audiology. We go the week of October 12.
The following week we see the knee referral Dr at the Boston VA.

A Fall and A Frustrating Call

A few days ago, Rick had gone outside to check on our turkeys. I was in the living room,reading a book,when I heard a car horn. It sounded to me like it was down the street,so I didn't bother to check it out. Brian,my brother in law,was on the other side of the house and heard the horn as well, but he heard it better. He went to look out our screen porch,and I saw him go flying outside.
Well I knew something was wrong,so I went outside quickly. Rick was laying by our well. Brian was helping him up. Apparently his knee gave out,and even with his Canadian crutches,he couldn't support himself and fell. He had tried getting up,but he couldn't. He hit the house with his crutch to try to get our attention, but it didn't make enough noise. Since he was right next to the car,he opened the door and used his crutch to hit the horn. Thankfully,he was not like that for very long at all. At first,I thought that he had broken leg,but thankfully,that was not the case. His knees hurt too much to support his weight. He was very embarrassed that he had to have someone help him up.
He now makes sure that he carries his cell phone which has a walkie talkie component with him whenever he goes outside.
We got a call yesterday regarding Rick's med board process. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a series of evaluations the military makes to determine how incapacitated a solider is,if he is indeed unfit for service,and if he is deemed unfit,how much percentage of his pay they will pay him for the rest of his life. Since we live in NH,Rick has to go to Fort Drum,NY for this evaluation. He had been once, in 2007. On the last day of trip,the Dr informed him that his paperwork was not complete and that he would have to come back. Well, that would be fine, except they only take 2 NH National Guard soldiers a month. If he was active duty,the wait wouldn't be so long. ( Bear in mind when he was wounded,he had been put on active duty!) He finally got to go back 2 years later,this past March. After all was said and done,Fort Drum contacted us and said they wanted another test,a Neuro Psych eval to help determine the level of his traumatic brain injury. In 2007 Rick had tried to do this test for the VA,but because his PTSD was not more controlled,his attention span was very poor,and he couldn't finish the test. He took the test in May,and it was determined that he has moderate PTSD,depression,and had mild TBI. So now, we have to wait for the Dr to type his report and put it Rick's medical file,then have the copy sent to us,then we send the copy to Ft Drum. This took longer than usual because the Dr was outsourced.
Tuesday Fort Drum called to inform Rick that the person who they were waiting for to read this test and write the final part of the Narrative Summary had be rotated out,so he could not review the test or write his part of the report. ( The Narrative Summary is the compilation of all the evaluations. The soldier gets to read it,if he agrees with the findings,he signs it,then it goes to Walter Reed where it is read and evaluated by three different drs who come up with a final disability rating).A new person took over and would be reviewing Rick's info.
Yesterday,we received more news. They wanted some more info. The Neuro Psych eval mentioned his "blackouts" where he will suddenly not know where he is or why he is there. Further evaluation was suggested regarding this,thinking it may be some type of brain seizure. Well,we have a Neuro TBI followup in a couple of weeks,and Ft Drum wants those results. OK,no problem. The Neuro Psych eval also mentioned Rick's heavy snoring,and possible sleep apnea ( I have never seen him have this problem). Ft Drum wants any reports regarding that. Well, there aren't any.They also want to know if his heart is fully healed for any regular activity. Yes, and getting that report is not a problem. So far, so good. Then,they told Rick that he has to GO BACK to Fort Drum for another Behavioral Health evaluation. The dr that left did his BH eval,so the new doctor wants to evaluate him herself,which,is a good thing,but not so good if you have been through the med board process three times ( the first was when he was in GA in med hold, he was only a day or so away from signing his Narrative summary when they sent him orders cutting him from active duty and sending him home. It made that med board null and void). Rick was so angry,that when he got off the phone, he couldn't even tell me what was said. He just said, "I can't talk about it now." He is worried that it will take months before he goes back, but he was told once they get all the info they request,they will give him an appt ASAP. I hope so. At his point, we just want the whole thing to be over with.