I am still being bogged down by this horrible head cold,living on Thermaflu and nasal spray. Hot tea has become my best friend. My appetite is at a minimum. It's just as well, since I can't taste anything anyway.
I felt bad yesterday,because I was going to help Rick clean out our garage for our Fall Pickup.He told me in no uncertain terms that I was to rest all day and do nothing. In all honesty,I wouldn't have been able to help for long,anyway. I did go out and check how things were going,but only for a few minutes. I went back inside,popped the first season of Little House on the Prairie in the DVD player,and laid in bed.( After I washed and folded two loads of laundry)
This was my view:
I took this photo standing in front of the window,not from my actual viewpoint in bed. The brightly colored branch is all I can when I am laying down.I am anxious to see how beautiful the whole tree will be once it's changed colors!
I thought about our lives here and what we have accomplished,and how much more we have to do. I am amazed at how different I am,how my goals in life have changed,and what I deem as important. The woman I am today at 42 is much,much different than the woman I was just 13 years ago when Rick and I got married. Some changes I have had no control over,such as Rick's PTSD and brain injury. This is our "new normal" and I accept that there are days when The Man of the Place will be confused,forgetful,and defer to me for even the smallest decision. He will ask me how to spell simple words,and then question me because the pronounciation doesn't jive with how it's spelled.He will have to have the volume on the TV on odd numbers,no knives can be left on the counter,he will have to put the machete back into the stump three times each time he goes by it.
There are changes that we do have control over,such has our way of life.We make our own laundry soap,hand soap,and candles. I am learning how to knit again,and want to make my own mittens and socks,etc. We have our own chickens,so we can have fresh eggs. We raise turkeys so we can have fresh meat once in a while. We grow our own food. I make my own house cleaners.Our only debt is our house payment,and we own no credit cards,nor do we owe credit cards.I started making bread by hand. We can our own food. We compost. We have rain barrels. We do have an oil furnace,but we mostly use our woodstove. We are constantly evolving.
When we sat down in the beginning of 2009 and discussed what kind of life we wanted,we knew it would not be a destination but a journey. I think this is good for Rick. It keeps him busy,and he enjoys it. He can't work at a regular job,but he can putter around the yard,doing things for his family. He feels productive,because it really bothers him that he can't work.Recently I was asked if I do all these things ( soapmaking,etc) to "keep busy." It can keep me busy,but I do these things because I want to. I want to provide for my family in this manner. It is so liberating to walk down a supermarket aisle and not have to buy ANYTHING in it,and know I am saving money by doing things myself.
One day I was weeding the garden,and Rick and Zach were cleaning out the henhouse. I stopped for a minute and this feeling of great contentment came over me. We were all working together,and it felt great. It felt right. Here's to the continuing journey.